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The Confusion of Love & Pain

Why we misuse Love to get over Pain, or Create Pain to get over Love

There are many different kinds of pain, emotional, mental, physical or spiritual pain. It’s a negative feeling or sensation we all try to avoid. But, pain can also be very transformative. When we feel pain, we become more awake. It can rip us out of our auto-pilot life and facilitate change. Seen from energetic perspective, can bring many gifts. Through pain, we can learn what we truly want. It helps us navigate our unmet needs and find out what doesn’t work for us. It can help us to refine our choices and become more conscious of our heart's desire. Pain forms resiliency in us. It makes us stronger, and can even make us feel more alive. Moderate challenges in life are experienced as quickening our energy, and, as research shows, the secret of happiness in life.

Overcoming challenges help us navigate through life and allow us to find our true values and boundaries. If consciously dealt with, pain can allow us to grow and quicken our life force. By overcoming pain we can learn to trust in your inner higher power and access our creation energy, and thus connect us with our true feelings.

However, in our society, pain is defined and even glorified though stories, songs, movies, books and myths about the tragedy of ‘Love and Pain’ - and recently also through public court trials. ‘Love and Pain’ and victimhood seem to go hand-in-hand. This is probably why these two subjects have been dominating creative expression throughout human history. Now, more than ever, media relentlessly promotes this confusion and the associated specialness through victimhood. Mindsets, such as: ‘No pain no gain’ are just one example of how we were unconsciously programmed for pain patterns. Most of us spend the majority of our life in fear of having to deal with the pain-aspect of Love, seldom reflecting and often contradicting.... We feel like victims and close our hearts as a result of this. If we could find a way to work with our pain and understand its true purpose, we can learn that it is the key to love with an open heart!

There is no doubt that our life is about dealing with the emotional, mental, physical and spiritual aspects of these two states, but how do they relate to our inner spiritual journey? From a spiritual perspective, both are needed and necessary to evolve our consciousness. Pain is an important tool for human learning and love is the key for evolution of consciousness (enlightenment). When viewed in this context, both are advanced spiritual tools for transcending our limitations.

Our inner journey truly begins when we realize that our ability to feel and express love is directly tied to the way we view pain!

Are we creating pain to get past our fear of not being loved?

Are we seeking love for love or for avoiding pain?

Do we project victimhood to get love?

The  purpose facing and investigating our pain in this more conscious way is  to reach a new level of commitment and responsibility for our life's  experiences, so that Self-Healing is no longer something we wait for or need to do in the future, but becomes an integral part of who we are. Actively developing new strategies to handle pain can be one of the most challenging, but also most liberating or even invigorating. On our conscious self-healing journey we learn that overcoming pain is nothing but the continual process of reframing and reprogramming unconscious  inner reactions and unhealthy patterns. The majority of our inner resistances, cover-ups and defenses are ego coping-strategies to evade the negative feeling of pain.

Our ego’s primary coping strategies are:

A)  Avoiding Pain and Vulnerability

B)  Seeking Pleasure

C) Numbing Ourselves/Checking-Out/Auto-Pilot

Therefore,  healing pain and the associated energetic charges around it often  goes much deeper than we think at first. It often leads to an initial  phase of discovering entirely new levels of inner triggers, childhood programs and sabotage cycles. Don't let this discourage you, on the  contrary! Let it motivate you as getting rid of the 'dead weight' you  have been carrying around with you all these years! Without learning to live with a certain level of vulnerability, there can’t be any growth! Transcending Pain is one of the most powerful creation energies within us !

“Behind every beautiful thing, there's some kind of pain.”
– Bob Dylan

As  you have already discovered, coping can include a complex combination  of protection, distraction, justification and control mechanisms. Typically, our coping is not sustainable on the long run. It is designed to help us past a moment of distress, but not serve as a life-strategy. Coping can be so energy consuming that we can forget who we truly are, what we truly want and need. However, for the most part, this is not aware to us. Finding ways that lead us more directly toward our true hearts desire means letting go of victimhood, fear of pain and using self-soothing (unconscious coping). This doesn’t happen by itself. In order to consciously self-heal we need to use these insights and recognize that it is not possible to truly love without overcoming our fear of pain. Conscious self-healing and energy management can teach us which of these strategies are useful and which are destructive, unhealthy or even toxic - so, that we can replace them with higher expressions and strategies instead.

Through redirecting our fears and pains into the safe healing space of our Sacred Heart we become able to allow a new form of vulnerability – one that doesn’t need to be feared or defended – one that allows us to experience the true power of an Open Heart!

Letting go of coping and overcoming the pain of the past requires us to recontextualize your unconscious ego patterns from the higher perspective of inner connectedness within our hearts, so that we can let go of the ‘juice’ in victimhood, and move forward with a proper belief in self. Through energy work, we can learn that the most powerful key to finding true love is our innate ability to transcend pain. It is an expression of our reclaimed inner higher  power, and with it, our creation energy!

Use your meditation or contemplation time to become more aware of how your pain of  the past has helped you become more real with yourself!


Jona Bryndis


transCODES offers a variety of energy coaching and training modalities. If you are interested in learning more about energy sessions click here.


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