We all know that there is a part of us that, when triggered,  can make us act out in ways, we are not always proud of. It can block us, disconnect us, scare us, drive us into instant rage or activate our strongest defenses within a matter of split seconds! Even if we are fully aware of it, when activated, our hurt inner child can zoom us back into the lower expressions of who we are and make all our efforts to become a wiser, more mature self an endless struggle. No matter how many years of self-help books, therapy or youtube videos we spent to learn about healing our childhood traumas, in our everyday relationships, this unloved and neglected part of us remains our Achilles Heel. All it takes is the notion of rejection or not feeling safe with someone, and we act in ways that we wish we hadn't. Without a strategy to face and work with this uncontrollable and often lower expression of ourselves, we will have a hard time to overcome persistent barriers or painful repetitions. 

As an empath healer and energy coach, I want to give you a few markers that can help you to feel more compassion for your inner child, and perhaps motivate you to engage with this hidden part of who you are. Underneath the tantrum-throwing, scared, powerless little narcissist or victim in us lies a world of wonderment, curiosity, creativity, inspiration, and true love.  

... why it's normal to be afraid and having a hard time to let go

Many of us are going through a form of deeper grieving, letting go or heart-pain process right now. Part of this is the direct confrontation with the truth of our inner patterns and beginning ability to pierce through our own projections or ego illusions. This can initiate a disillusionment or deep sadness at first - we doubt ourselves, our love and worst of all our right to be here. We go through a dark night of the soul.

With growing awareness of our own inner darkness, we then begin to become afraid of our own shadow. This has to do with not being able or willing to face what we must let go in order to grow. Our ego is still bargaining, while our True Self already 'knows' that it's not real. It is therefore quite normal to go through a bit of a DEATH OF OUR EGO experience, which can come over us like a huge, and disproportionate drama of trying to hold on to what is no longer true. The subjective experience is often perceived as a deep GRIEVING process, which can feel so real, that we become literally afraid of 'dying'.

Know that you are not alone in this right now, and that collective energies have a lot to do with this inner correction process!

As we begin to understand that our preprogrammed idea of a perfect relationship is nothing but a incessantly promoted idealization prepping us for a multi-Billion-Dollar Wedding industry. The truth behind romanticized songs and movies is to play on our unresolved shadow cravings and inner child attachments issues. From an energetic point of view, persistent or repetitive relationship issues play directly into our unseen shadow and false self patterns.

In classical couple counseling it is not commonly seen how unconscious Shadow aspects can play a major role in repetitive relationship issues; and not just in our romantic relationships! However, deeper energy work can open up the reason why this is so difficult for us to see. Whether we are aware of it or not Shadow Traits can show in emotional manipulation, sexual projection, victimhood, specialness, superiority, disdain and co-dependencies. If we want to know how to transcend our persistent relationship patterns we need to get to the deeper aspects of our unseen energetic interaction and learn how they express in our relationships.

Waking up to our inner worlds often means discovering and dealing with forgotten, repressed unloved or hidden inner aspects of our personality – in self-healing we call this Shadow Work. For most of us it can come with another uncomfortable revelation – the discovery of our sexual shadow aspects.

Becoming aware of sexual shadow traits in oneself is a natural part of our self-transformation and ascension process and is should not to be judged or condemned - nor excluded. The fact that we are becoming more aware of our shadow traits doesn’t mean that we are ‘bad’ or that we have been bad in the past; it simply means that we have a higher consciousness level now and, that we can live a more aware and responsible life from here on.

What we weren’t aware of in the past is past – it's part of our learning curve and all this means id\s witnessing our naiveté in the past - but what we have become aware of in the present is now a part of our consciousness and therefore needs to be dealt with.

Since the publication of the short announcement of our upcoming Healing Circle Workshop ' Energetic Aspects of of Sexuality" and a previous article “Dealing with Sexual Shadow” many emails and forum posts have reached me, asking questions about Sexual Shadow and Sexuality in context with Spirituality. Here a few examples (abbreviated):

“What does my sexuality have to do with my spiritual journey?”

“I am in a happy relationship with one partner for more than 25 years. How does sexual shadow apply to me?”

“I haven’t had sex for many years, why do you suggest to work with my sexual shadow?”

“I love my sexuality and don’t feel there is anything wrong with expressing myself through sex. Why do you call this ‘part of inner darkness’?”

“ I am a devout Christian and believe in sex for married couples only. I am not married. Do I need to work on my sexual shadow?”

“Do I need to feel bad about masturbation?”

“Is homosexuality part of Sexual Shadow?”

“I have been sexually abused when I was younger. As a result I never found pleasure in having sex and have been trying to avoid it. What can I do to work on this block? How can shadow-work help me?”

“ I have sexual dreams. Is this a sign of an energetic attachment or simply my sexual shadow?”

“I keep having sexual thoughts about other people. Does this mean I am sexually projecting or projected at?”

“I have sexual feelings during mediation. It this a sign of sexual shadow?”

“How does watching pornography affect my spiritual journey?”

Nobody wants to be reminded of darkness, especially not the kind that resides within. It's relatively easy to point fingers at other people's or collective darkness, but when it comes to our inner 'dragons' we are often completely blind. Why does our ego filter, distract from and avoid truth? And what does this do to our personal energy?

What many don't understand is that avoiding or fighting darkness actually leads to the opposite effect. Whether it's our inner or outer darkness, the more we resist the more energy we push into it.

News, movies, songs and shows are all focused on dealing with outer darkness. Things we cannot control. But what about our inner darkness? How does it relate to outer darkness? Is there a connection? How can we learn to transcend our fear of darkness without getting pulled into it?

transMISSION Modalities Explained

Shadow Work is one of the pillars of self-healing and inner reconciliation. (Click here to read more about Shadow Work.) For all who are serious about actively wanting to work on negative behavior patterns, unhealthy habits or simply detaching from limiting factors in life this inner consciousness work is a gentle yet effective way to learn how to face, recontextualize and let go of hidden core fears.

Recently, you may have noticed that some of your old shadow traits or deeper aspects of your defensive structure/ coping programs are slowly creeping back into your life even though you have been really focusing on integration, healing and letting go.

This does not necessarily mean that you are regressing or going backwards, but more so it is a sign that you are going deeper into the programs and patterns that limit you or are not true, which at the same time also brings up a serious challenge to stay aligned to your heart and letting go. And, you might have recently felt an even more challenging time with the added intensity of collective energies that can also trigger our ego.

Our defensive structure and coping methods of the ego were developed initially to find ways to deal with pain, fear, suffering, and even trauma. They were the response given to protect our vulnerable nature (the True Self), and keep us in a perceived state of safety, accepted, even loved.

With time, these restrictive methods blossomed through repetition into very complex, multilayered programs geared at keeping that very open and hurt part of us hidden, restricted, lost or even simply denied. This of course works for many without feeling the need change; however, a smaller percentage of us feel the frustration of denying part of themselves or their expression, which leads to seeking change, introspection and even an active search for ways to change.

For most, this entails shunning or denying our shadow at first as we try ‘to get rid of it,’ which only increases the restriction and adds layers to our ego’s methodology. This can bring about even more frustration, doubt, and judgment of just how bad we are creating a vicious cycle that just keeps adding to the ego.