By jona bryndis, Oct 27 2019 11:00AM
SUNDAY TRUTH TALK live @TrueSelfRadio
How To Disengage From
The Fight Against Inner
Darkness & Shadow
By jona bryndis, 27th October 2019
SUNDAY TRUTH TALK @TrueSelfRadio Livestream 12pm (Eastern Us Time)
We all have drama in our lives, and to a degree, we all have a bit of a drama king or queen inside of us that loves the intensity, the emotionality, the stress or normal or daily life. This inner drama-lover in us is what terrorizes us with incessant thoughts about what others think, how we think about them, whether we are loved or what our next 5 to 10 moves should be so we stay in control or feel safe. It engages in non-stop hiding, avoiding, questioning, justifying, victimizing, blaming, judging, ruminating, self-soothing, coping, guilting and shaming. Whew...it's like fighting shadows - exhausting!
There is a reason why we all get tempted into this inner or outer fight. We are neurologically hard-wired to prioritize our physical survival. Per design, it can bind and distract us into the lower functionality of our hind and midbrain (animal brain), which expresses in our emotional and physical reactivity. However, thankfully, that's not all that defines us as humans. We also have a pretty sophisticated frontal brain, that lets us evaluate and choose what to do next. And, we often forget, we also have a 'Heart-Brain' or Consciousness - an even more sophisticated part of our being, that lets us see the larger context and gives us the ability to choose not to engage if it's not conducive for our higher expression of Self.
The problem with constantly engaging in a (for whatever reason, real or perceived) survival fight, is we cannot effectively access these higher functions of our brain and consciousness. Instead of calmly, and wisely responding to situations, we act out first and evaluate later. Unfortunately, this is where we get into trouble with ourselves. Instead of disengaging from the situation, content, or person that pulled us into the inner ego-drama, we end up suffering from the dissonant cognitive aftermath of making bad choices. Not only does this constant dribble of inner ego chatter in the back of our mind let us relive our fear or trauma, it also gradually disconnects us from our hearts' consciousness. It overshadows our inner and outer reality with an empty darkness, that has now become an even greater fear or enemy - our own Shadow-Self.
If we are truly honest with ourselves, what has driven us all these years of drama-trauma is nothing but our ego's fear of its own shadow. But that's not the worst of it. For many of us Shadow-Fighters, this inner drama is so real, that it has us confuse this painful exhaustion and inner darkness with aliveness.
Drama is nothing but the inflation of our ego's fear of the end of its own existence.
Let's back up a bit.
The ego is formidable and well trained through years of conditioning, practice and programming. It has kept us safe and allowed us to survive trauma, disappointment, and hardships. However, it cannot make us happy - it can only keep itself alive - or what we think alive means.
It takes an enormous amount of courage and discipline to stop listening to our ego's voice and listen to our heart's voice instead. But - it's possible! However, it isn't until we become fully aware of the insanity of fighting against something inside of us that is empty and scared, that we can discover the true cause for our inner drama: Our fear of loss.
Let's take a deep breath and stay here for a moment...
What are we afraid of losing? What are we trying to defend with all this drama?
Love, Joy, Freedom?
Status, Safety, Identity?
Being Right? Being Better? Being worth something?
In order to feel loved, feel alive, feel happy?
Hm... is this really how we can get there?
What do we truly need?
Can it be, that we need to learn to embrace our ego, and with it learn to love all parts and aspects of ourselves (including our inner darkness and shadow) instead of fighting against everything and everyone that challenges our ego-self?
Can it be that our ego-drama is nothing but a distraction from the feared emptiness of shadow-fight?
The ego is not bad. We don't need to get 'rid of' it; on the contrary! We need to embrace and learn from it so that we can love and trust ourselves fully!
We all know, there is a challenge that comes with learning to embrace our ego. Over time, our ego has made us dependent on the pay-offs of drama. Like a junkie, our neural pathways formed unconscious reward-cycles of blaming others, staying in denial, suppression, victimhood, resentments, anxiety, and so on. The perceived reward in engaging in drama is a temporary and thus elusive relief from being responsible for ourselves. It undermines our freedom to choose and depletes our life-force, blocking our energy to live the higher expression of who we are.
The true drama is how we are unconsciously fooling ourselves believing that we are in control of this tragic shadow-drama-play. The sad truth is, we are fighting nothing but ourselves.
By engaging in our ego drama we are not only allowing and energizing our inner darkness but tragically so, we are also identifying with it.
In order to become more conscious and to let go of the fixation on our shadow-self we need to challenge our addiction to the payoffs, not the ego itself. The more we learn to disengage and let go of the payoffs, the more the ego goes silent.
Here a few examples of how we can reframe and thus better let go of
PAIN - Experiencing physical, emotional and mental pain is a normal part of our existence. Pain teaches us what actions, choices, situations or people to avoid. If we don't listen to our pain, we suffer. Pain is inevitable - Suffering is a Choice! If we wallow in pain, we energize our powerlessness and lose the ability to makes choices.
GUILT - Feeling guilty when we have harmed ourselves or others is healthy; it helps to make better choices in the future, but it can lead to shame and apathy if we wallow in it.
FEAR - Fear is a normal part of life and protects us from danger, but can lead to passivity if we don't face it.
ANGER - Getting angry is okay and can teach us that we need to express better in the future (for example boundaries), but can pull us into destructiveness if we feed it.
GRIEF - Grief and sadness are natural responses to loss, but can bind our energy to the past if we stay there for too long.
BEING RATIONAL - Mental processing is fine, but it doesn't elevate us above experiencing our humanness; it can lead to excessive JUDGMENT and pull us into GUILT.
BEING EMOTIONAL - Emotionality is part of being human. Expressing our feelings is not only healthy but also important to help us regulate our emotions. Repressing or hiding emotionality can lead to DEPRESSION and more drama.
LUSTING - Having desires and lusting are part of our humanness. Judging or punishing ourselves for our physical or emotional desires is counterproductive and can feed our inner darkness, and thus produce more Shadow.
NEEDING - Feeling the need for emotional or physical safety, needing to be recognized, validated and respected by others is healthy and important, but fixating on getting our needs met by others externalizes our inner power and makes us feel dependent. It fuels our addiction to ego-payoffs. Ignoring or projecting our needs to others can create very complex trauma and drama in our lives.
YEARNING - Feeing the inner need for connection with others normal and healthy. We are designed to connect with another, but if we are not prioritizing our need to connect with ourselves first, we can easily mistake love as something that has to come from outside of ourselves. Engaging in yearning can create identity issues and prohibit the natural development of inner connection.
LONELINESS - Feeling lonely is the way we experience inner emptiness. It means that we are not connected within. The natural remedy for lonely is connecting with something that is greater than ourselves, which can gradually allow us to feel connected again.
FEELING CONFLICTED - Experiencing inner conflicts or contradictions can be a temporary state that shows us that we are not congruent or true to ourselves. Prolonged or recurring inner confliction is a result of being disconnected from our True Self. If we rely too much on our mental processing or lack the awareness of inner hardwires we can lose touch with our true feelings, needs and wants. It shows a lack of consciousness and can lead to cutting ourselves off from our body and emotions. Inner confliction feeds inner emptiness and makes it impossible to love ourselves. It pulls us into inner and outer dramas and fuels all ego-payoff and shadow aspects and increases inner darkness.
All of these aspects are normal parts of the ego, and they will continue to exist in you no matter how much you like or dislike these aspects of yourself. However, by learning to embrace them in the awareness of the consequences of your choice to either engage or disengage, you can slowly grow beyond the payoff of blindly fighting against yourself.