Understanding Codependency & Self-Love Deficiency - The Spiritual View
By jona bryndis, May 4 2019 06:51AM
Reclaiming Divine Love - Part 2
We all know that SPIRITUAL AWAKENING often comes with the sudden emergence of new perspectives and self-awareness. It ignites and renews our sense of self and allows us to see the world from a more compassionate, neutral and unconditional viewpoint. As we begin to feel the need to heal our inner relationship we will notice that there is a part in us that yearns to unite ourself somehow, but we don't know how to translate this into our relationships. It's like we are seeking to get this part from the other, yet never really reach it. The reason for that is that is that we cannot get it from or through another person.
Like our view of Self changes as we begin to feel into the deeper essence of ourselves, we also begin to shift our view of Divinity. The serious spiritual seeker will typically engage in a number of mindfulness practices that allow to shift the focus of attention from the external into a more internal understanding of Love and Divinity.
Unconditional Love is ego-less. It is an energy that surrenders to the Love for All…. the kind of Love the universe ‘feels’ for the totality of it’s holographic dimensions, parents feel for their children, a flower feels for its petals, a leaf feels for the wind that makes it dance… It is the Love of creation, the Love of the Divine, which does not expect anything back. It does not require any payback…it just IS. It is based on Wholeness within and can be felt for in a flower, a baby, music, water, a laughing child, a person’s smile, a dog’s wagging tail or ideally, for every learning experience. It is the resonance needed to attract our True Love into our lives, inside and outside.
Truly Loving Ourselves means loving everything we are, do, feel or think. If we don’t/can’t love what we are, do, feel or think we are counteracting and imploding this field within us. If we cannot love ourselves, others can’t love us – we cannot love others. ‘This is conflicting with our externalized view of LOVE of needing an object of love.
Love isn't something we can find outside of ourselves.
From a spiritual point of view love is the REMEMBRANCE OF DIVINE LOVE WITHIN - the unconditional love of DIVINE CREATION that flows through all of us as being part of the greater Divine Creation itself. The yearning to reunite with this kind of love seems to be directly linked with wanting to be united with the DIVINE WITHIN. This phenomenon is a fundamental inight in consiousness work.
Our attempts to 'get' this feeling from the other or an external source inevitability leads to us idealizing, controlling, addiction, coaddiction or projecting into our relationships. We WANT it to be like the DIVINE LOVE: forever, unconditional, safe and deeper nurturing, so that we can feel whole. For this the codependent is willing to GIVE everything, even to sacrifice our own needs and wants.
Spiritually addressing codependency & self-love deficiency can therfore help the codependent to recognize and to let go of the unrealistic exception to receive and/or feel Divine Love & Connection through their relationships. EXPERIENCING OUR INNER RELATIONSHIP WITH THE DIVINE represents the deepest and most complex level of deficiency that can be found underneath of all codependent mechanisms.
The susceptibility to codependency is stored in a part of our energy body that cannot be addressed through cognitive or behavioral therapies alone. The energetics of codependents shows how this is deeply engrained in the outer layers of our energy signature that regulate the person's perception and relation higher power. Without being aware of it, the codependent is driven to find this DIVINE LOVE through his/her outer relationship to other people, no matter what it takes...
In addition, religious and cultural programming reinforce SELF-SACRIFICE as one of the IDEALS OF LOVE. It makes us believe that if we just become better at letting go of our own needs and desires, which we regard or judge as flawed SELFISHNESS, we could eventually 'reach' this 'higher level of love'.
A typical limitation of addressing Codependency with psychological, behavioral, emotional or mental therapies alone often doesn't allow for the DEEPER HEALING OF THE UNDERLYING EGO ADDICTION. The spiritual approach can help to bypass subconscious blocks, imbalances, attachments and trauma and thus offers a valid complementary healing tool to existing therapies.
Spiritual transformation is the process of shifting a physical, mental, emotional or spiritual imbalance from a lower into a higher vibratory expression and can therfore facilitate healing of this conditioned behavor pattern. Vibratory expressions show in form of temporary thoughts, emotions, sensations, feelings or reactions. They determine a person's perception of themselves, as well as what they reagrd as normal, acceptable and the choices they have at a given moment.
The SPIRITUAL HEALING APPROACH, which can be applied through using mindfulness techniques and transcendental mediation or specifically coded healing frequencies that can help to align a person's energy to something that vibrates higher (Higher Power) than themselves. It can motivate a participants energy to resonate with a higher vibrational state than the one they are able to generate themselves - regardless of their religious or intellectual beliefs and mindsets around Divinity.
Seen from this deeper spiritual perspective the dependency aspect in co-dependency is a complex subconscious form of EGO LOVE trying to overcome our fears of not being lovable, deserving or worthy of love linking us into the core human fear of not being good enough to be loved by God/Divinity.
Here a summary of underlying FALSE BELIEFS that can lead to coping behaviors promoting codependency:
BEING AFRAID TO BE ALONE ->Feeling Abandoned by God -> Experiencing Inner Emptiness
BELIEVING WE NEED SOMEONE -> Replacing God's Love -> Projecting the Ideals of Love onto Another Person and thus Becoming Susceptible to Manipulation
NEGLECTING OUR UNMET NEEDS -> Trying to Be Worthy to Feel Deserving of God's Love -> Projecting a Version of Self that Is Not Congruent With Our True Self
HEALING WOUNDS ->Thinking we have to perform and Become Better to Feel Safe -> Trying to Fix/Heal/Rescue Others and Becoming Susceptible to Controlling and Manipulating Others
SACRIFICING OUR INNER CONNECTION TO GOD ->Needing to Elevate the Object of love/Relationship to a Godlike Status -> Attaching to the Fantasy/Idea of Relationship More than the Actual Person
When we can realize that there is some that vibrates higher than the EGO LOVE we experience in our codependent relationship we can begin to understand how we can let go of our blindsided, innocent, conditioned, misunderstood and hidden ego motives.
Healing Codependency is complex and needs to be seen is a longterm process, often taking 3-6 month of continual training and realigning. It involves learning ways to overcome the recursive nature of our ego. Without an effective combination of modalities that can address the spiritual (not religious!) aspects of our True Self an Soul a shift into a higher resonance within a person's energetic set up is difficult to maintain.
An effective way of integrating spiritual healing is in the combination with MINDFULNESS TECHNIQUES, such as deep Breathing (IAM Breathing), Meditating, Physical Exercises and Learning How To Silence One's Mind.
Thank you for your time.
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