Better Understanding Toxicity - Awakening and Awakeness
By jona bryndis, May 16 2020 11:14AM
Awakening helps us to see and discern truth, but to form a working roadmap for integrity and truthful beingness needs to be practiced - we need to practice AWAKENESS, because our system is set up to send us to sleep! It binds us to our 3Dness and allows for our ego's survival and coping mechanisms to dominate our perception of reality, ourselves and the world we live in.
Our ego's job is to help us cope with the reality of our inner dualisms, the right and wrongs, failures and successes, and especially with the fact that our live has an expiration date. Only the trained awakened soul becomes able to form a steady and balanced awareness of where in our lives we need to liberate ourselves from TOXICITY, what is truly good and what isn't; what promotes our growth and what allows us to have access to our INNER POWERS of Truth, Choice, and Co-Creation.
In this process, we also begin to see more truth about our relationships and how we relate to the world. WOKENESS as buzzword describing the socially aware person isn't really what helps us to discern the truth of our most intimate relationship with ourselves or loved ones! It often adds to the powerlessness and toxic passivity we've developed in our ASLEEPNESS. The truth our social and emotional maturity reflects in our personal relationships. And here, we often find ourselves in situations or circumstances that make us feel trapped, passive or overwhelmed with fears or fear of painful experiences. In an effort to control our experiences, we unconsciously send ourselves to sleep again.
Through fixating on the next high, the next gratification or striving for becoming better and try harder we just allowed ourselves to be dominated by our ego resistance to what is true. Being and staying awake means being willing and making an effort with dealing with our reality, but not just in our heads, but also with the awareness of our body, emotions, heart, and soul. In addition, by resisting what we cannot control, such as outer collective uncertainties and future developments, we are involuntarily giving away our power to change any of this. It triggers our ego's survival filter, which focuses our attention on the 'All or Nothing' or worse, "The End of All Things."
"If I could only change the world, I would feel in control again"
NO LONGER WANTING TO STAND IN OUR OWN PASSIVITY is a healthy impulse, but when it is only directed to our external conditions, it can become imbalanced and untrue - and often even toxic. Blind Activism, morbid sarcasm, political correctness or becoming ultra spiritual (Thank you, JP Sears for another thought-provoking video on Wokeness!)
Liberating, resolving and taking the necessary steps to change toxic patterns in our lives requires patience and honesty with ourselves. In the beginning stage of realizing that our outer relationships aren't perfect, we cannot see yet, that the resistance to change is NOT resolved by fixing or changing the partner or ourselves. The true problem with FANTASY BONDING as a coping mechanism for toxicity in relationships is our inner resistance to NOT BEING PERFECT or good enough.
Feeling not good enough is a TOXIC EMOTIONAL, MENTAL AND SPIRITUAL BELIEF PATTERN often implanted or conditioned in early childhood.
Take toxicity in our relationships. The true toxicity in having been told and treated in ways that communicate LOVE AS CONDITIONAL or SCARCE is that it unwillingly fixates our energy on LACK, and thus SEEKING AND REMOVING FLAWS or IMPROVING OURSELVES in order to be lovable. As a result, instead of learning how to love ourselves unconditionally, we find ourselves in conditions that reinforce the need to seek PERFECTION in ourselves and our relationships.
Our lives, upbringing, expectations, and individual circumstances are often so complex, that we become blind to our inner inability to love ourselves and thus externalize the problem through CONTROL - either by trying to find or create the PERFECT PARTNER OR PERFECT RELATIONSHIP. Unfortunately, as we thus fixate on what is not 'good enough' and trying to live up to the IDEAL we lose the ability to love with an open heart. As a result of this IDEALIZATION, our inner and outer relationships often turn out disappointing and sometimes even abusive.
From an energetic-psychological perspective the main causes for repeating TOXICITY PATTERNS in our relationships are:
1. Self-Identity Issues & Conditioning
2. Negative Communication
3. Emotional Intimacy Issues
4. Projection & Absorption Issues
5. Attachment/Co-Dependency Problems
6. Covert Control Aspects
But the most toxic aspect of those patterns is that they reinforce that we are not good enough - that we have to do better, try harder or do more. It distracts us from BEING into DOING, and thus fixates us on our ego's binary way of seeing the world, ourselves and others.
The big problem with better understanding or discerning AWAKENESS and the toxicity of asleepness and passivity in our lives is our systemic blindness to it. Without being aware of it, chances are, you have been conditioned, groomed or traumatized to accept toxicity as the norm. When growing up in dysfunctional or toxic family systems we are not able to develop relationships freely. When growing up with toxicity, we are forced to respond to toxic behaviors in our environment and therefore, typically, develop coping patterns. Due to the conditioning nature of childhood coping these patterns therefore often replicate into our own family, at work or, as for most of us, in our romantic relationships later - making us susceptible to repeating disappointment, abuse or victimization.
In energy work, we understand the nature of our coping behaviors as addictive in and of it itself which makes it particularly difficult for us to become aware or differentiate toxicity. Energetically seen, TOXICITY can exist without the presence of another person, substance abuse or trauma, as it points directly to a person's CAPACITY TO FEEL & DISCERN LOVE. The strong presence of ATTACHMENT & CONTROL ISSUES in toxic relationships however, leads us to conclude that INNER CHILD and SHADOW RELATED ENERGETIC ASPECTS play a major role in the development of such patterns.
Because Toxicity is often conditioned or learned behavior leading back to our early developmental years it is often attached to an UNRESOLVED CHILDHOOD TRAUMA which comes with very similar symptoms to COMPLEX PTSD. Responsible for the need to cope with the absence of love within is often negligence, abandonment, separation or other ADVERSE CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCES caused by the environment or world we grew up in or by parents who were not able to make us feel safe and loved. We were forced to come up with ways that can create the illusion of safety and the feeling of being loved, and thus unconsciously allowed our ego to run our lives.
Without having learned how to feel and internalize unconditional self-love we cope through making our inner feeling depend on others' behaviors or outer conditions. We become masters in judging others' imperfections but forget to focus on how we truly feel from within. Our sense of self, as well as the validation of our true inner feelings, is dependent on a CONDITIONAL & ILLUSIONARY PERFECTION, often leading to us trying to control, or change ourselves or others, reinforcing that we are not good enough. This - is the true illusion!
The needed healing frequencies for realigning a person's energy to becoming able to discern truth and thus the ability to change things that are untrue = toxic patterns are:
1. Internalized Heart Connection (True Self)
2. Unconditional Self-Love Awareness (Balance)
3. Communication Training (True Needs & Desires)
4. Truth Training (Authenticity)
AWAKENESS needs to be trained and therefore be seen is a longterm process, often taking years of continual energetic training and realigning to the healing frequencies in combination with MINDFULNESS & SOULFULNESS TECHNIQUES, such as deep Breathing (IAM Breathing, Meditating, Physical Exercises and Learning To Silence One's Mind. WOKENESS is a social pendulum reacting to our collective awakening process, but still needs to be brought into more balance.
Of course, this is just a very simplified portrayal of this very complex subject, but by understanding that blindness towards toxicity is nothing but a conditioned coping response, we can begin to focus on where our issues with inner disconnectedness and duality originated. In order to overcome these powerful programs preventing you from feeling self-love it can be helpful to dedicate some time for loving self-compassion and continual truth-awakeness training.
Thank you for your time.