How does Your Unhealed Inner Child influence your Relationship?
By jona bryndis, Sep 7 2018 05:00AM
Many of us experience the pressing feeling of not ‘belonging’ into our families or relationships. In our attempt to break free or rebel against family structures we often struggle with lifelong family and relationship issues, which are very often interconnected. Depending on our karmic set-up, family constellation and childhood experiences these inner and outer conflicts can have a very important purpose, namely to free ourselves from karmic binds and to create optimal circumstances for healing our deeper aspects – if we can recognize their connection!
Typically, we engage in deeper healing processes unconsciously through repeat: Without being aware of it we ‘re-create’ the same/similar circumstances of our childhood, so that outer condition force us to change our inner conditions. One of the most commonly recreated patterns is taking on a karmic family role: Mother, Father or Child.
For the spiritual seeker and self-healer this can be a fundamental self-reflection. Statistically spoken 85% of us humans duplicate unhealed Karmic Family and Inner Child experiences into their current relationships.
In most cases the propagation of such unresolved and often unconscious inner child aspects shows in our choice of partner, our parenting style and very often also in general problems with relationships, breaking free from negative repeat cycles in life, such as moving away from our home town, excelling beyond our socio-economic backgrounds or ethnic limitations.
Re-living certain circumstances and taking on unconscious family role identification can be an opportunity to heal the most pressing aspects of our energetically anchored karmic or traumatic load. However, if we never uncover the purpose of underlying repeat pattern it can also lead to retraumatizing and cementing our original pain, fears and beliefs.
While most people remain unaware of those lifelong inner energetic binds, it can be life altering to release and heal our karmic ties and childhood wounds, but until we begin to actively work with these often hidden parts of us many are unable to see the connection with karmic family and inner child aspects.
Identifying karmic patterns and repetition cycles can be a major game-changer in our inner healing process - if we can connect with the underlying energy to correct them. Therefore, it is often needed or beneficial to work with the guidance of a trained counselor, energy worker and conscious self-healing techniques
Another often underestimated aspect is that rebelling against our parental and karmic inheritance is not exactly helping in cutting our karmic ties; on the contrary! Resistance, defensiveness and ‘leaving in anger’ often further energizes the underlying energetic bind. If you find yourself charged with anger, judgment and non-forgiving thoughts chances are that you will carry these inner sentiments into your romantic relationships!
Learning energetic reconciliation techniques can greatly contribute to understanding, forgiveness, compassion and resolution finding, especially if reconciliation in person is not possible!
The purpose of looking at what we often perceive as shortcomings of our karmic circumstances is not to manifest or justify our own limitations; this is very important to understand about karma, family and inner child work! The purpose of this work is learning to recognize patterns and karmic repetitions so that our consciousness can evolve beyond those restrictions and to begin to transcend them.
Working with Inner Child & Karmic Family/Relationship Aspects
Experienced shortcoming through our parents, family constellation and upbringing often make us choose the according parent role to ‘correct’ some of the inadequacies we experienced as child. For example: Absent fathers or mothers often result in picking the child-role later in life, which allows us to process this wound through ‘properly being taken care of’. However, the limitation in this pattern, if not properly healed, can be the development of neediness and codependent behaviors.
Overbearing mothers or authoritative fathers often create the tendency to take on a parent role and to develop controlling behaviors. Either way, there is no judgment of our parents in this view. Our parents have their own journey and from a karmic standpoint we ‘pick’ them for a reason (as they picked their parents), namely to evolve this pattern and ultimately to break the cycle between our Inner Child wounds and karmic repetition.
If we find ourselves repeating a karmic mother role, chances are we feel attracted to partners or people in a karmic child role, and vice versa; if we choose to stay in our karmic child role we will unconsciously look for a ‘parent’ in my partner or friends. As long as we cannot see the meaning of this, chances are that our relationships turn out as a variation of our parent’s relationship – with the same basic conflicts and dysfunctions – or worse.
No matter whether we have gone through multiple relationships or have been in one main partnership, when we begin to work on our inner aspects we will inevitably recognize patterns repeated regardless of the partner. Often what we liked the most about our partner in the beginning of the relationship turned out to be the very aspect we despised the most at the ending of a relationship (to read more about this phenomenon see Harvill Hendrix’ book: “Getting the Love we Want” St. Martin’s Press, 2007 ). More often than not, core relationship issues, such as ability to connect, commit, or general issues with intimacy and sexuality are tied to our inner children.
Karmic repetition can deliver very important insights! It can be a vital clue to understanding, that it’s not always the other, but ourselves who is in need of changing.
Once we are able to see our Inner Child in the bigger context of Karma we can begin to align ourselves to healing rather than fixing – and we will understand why it has to be this way!
Whichever unresolved Inner Child pattern we carry into our relationships - it will bind us to our karma and repeat until we consciously break the cycle.
To fully understand the context in which we chose to be incarnated we need a to look at our karmic set up with a heartfelt compassion and acceptance of karma. This work can not only enable us to resolve or at least deescalate existing inner and outer conflicts, but also bring a new level of self-love in our lives.
Of course, there will always be aspects we won’t or can’t resolve with our 3D family members or relationship partners, as their karmic journey may be a different one. However, as for our own inner reconciliation we CAN make the first step to energetically alleviate our binds to conflicts and pain memories by fulfilling our ‘karmic job’ of moving on and liberating ourselves and following generations from the restrictions of inherited karmic propensities.
Karmic Reconciliation is not about living in peace and harmony with everyone; this is hardly possible and often not even needed. It’s about living in INNER peace and harmony about our family, our upbringing and our karmic purpose in life.
Energetically seen, most of our karmic propensities tend to duplicate into each of our energy systems: physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Therefore, the reframing and rewriting of persistent inner child aspects often results in the discovery of other hidden patterns, such as shadow, critical inner voice, masculine/feminine imbalances, abundance blocks, intimacy issues etc. As an energetic being we can only evolve if we investigate how our karmic template is weaving through our lives on these multiple levels and learn how to consciously clear our energetic propensities.
Karmic Relationship, Karmic Family and Inner Child Work can help to loosen some of our core energetic ties and build a momentum for change, so that we can slowly allow and attract new energies and patterns into our lives; be it in form of attracting different kind of relationship partners, different circumstances, improved inner connection or better communication - and most importantly: a new way of perceiving of our life and the world around us!
Thank you for your time.
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In our Sacred Self-Healing E-Course we complied all core energy processes in 24 Steps (Incl. Karmic Family and Inner child), which allow the participant to learn many of our energy work modalities in self-training through coded daily mediations.
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